Also quite depressing. I guess no matter how hard you work there will still be mistakes. One of the photo captions for the timeline in the feature article "Starving for Solutions" is incorrect.
It reads "Phillip Nelson (holding bottle) won the World Food Prize for his food preservation techniques that allow developing countries access to fresh fruit and milk."
Sounds good, right? Unfortunately, Phillip Nelson was not the man holding the bottle, he was the man on the far right.
Thursday, May 7, 2009
DUiN
This is a little depressing, but I found a mistake in the study abroad article I wrote last semester.
On page 23 it said "Mandy the Irish transvestite lets you a take a picture with her for 2 euros."
The first "a" should be omitted.
On page 23 it said "Mandy the Irish transvestite lets you a take a picture with her for 2 euros."
The first "a" should be omitted.
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Facebook status
If any chapman kids that can suggest an "easy" pre-cal teacher it would be much appreciated. :)
This was in a Facebook status of one of my friends, and it really bothered me. It should be "If any Chapman kids can suggest an "easy" pre-cal teacher, it would be much appreciated."
OR "If there are any Chapman kids who can suggest an "easy" pre-cal teacher, it would be much appreciated."
Monday, April 20, 2009
Baltimore Sun
http://www.baltimoresun.com/news/local/bal-middletown-bodies-home-0429,0,1457017.story
This article, which detailed a brutal shooting that left a family of 5 dead, ending with this quote:
"Bailey, who said she knows relatives of the family, said she found out about the family's deaths through Facebook.
"People statuses [said] rest in peace and stuff," she said. "It's awful. It's hard to grasp. I don't even know them, but I feel so awful.""
Is this quote correct? Probably. Is this quote relevant? Maybe. Does it matter? No-because this quote is god awful. The girl admits she doesn't know them, but that the event was popularized through Facebook. And she groups the phrase "rest in peace" with "and stuff." Not very sensitive to the material we are dealing with in this article. I can't imagine why the Baltimore Sun chose to include this material in the article. It's an embarrassment, and does not add anything to the article.
This article, which detailed a brutal shooting that left a family of 5 dead, ending with this quote:
"Bailey, who said she knows relatives of the family, said she found out about the family's deaths through Facebook.
"People statuses [said] rest in peace and stuff," she said. "It's awful. It's hard to grasp. I don't even know them, but I feel so awful.""
Is this quote correct? Probably. Is this quote relevant? Maybe. Does it matter? No-because this quote is god awful. The girl admits she doesn't know them, but that the event was popularized through Facebook. And she groups the phrase "rest in peace" with "and stuff." Not very sensitive to the material we are dealing with in this article. I can't imagine why the Baltimore Sun chose to include this material in the article. It's an embarrassment, and does not add anything to the article.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Think Copy-"Look Ma, No Additives!"
"And with natural living becoming more popular, it’s as simple as a switcheroo, plus you’re creating positive changes for your family."
There are a few things wrong with this sentence. First of all, "switcheroo" is too cutesy for our magazine's style. Also, the first and last parts of the sentence don't correlate as well as they should-is it really because natural living is more popular that it is a simple switch, or because it is more readily available? Finally, the last phrase does not relate well to the first part of the statement, and isn't really necessary.
I changed it to "And with organic products becoming more available, it really is a simple swap."
There are a few things wrong with this sentence. First of all, "switcheroo" is too cutesy for our magazine's style. Also, the first and last parts of the sentence don't correlate as well as they should-is it really because natural living is more popular that it is a simple switch, or because it is more readily available? Finally, the last phrase does not relate well to the first part of the statement, and isn't really necessary.
I changed it to "And with organic products becoming more available, it really is a simple swap."
Think Copy-"Hackers Anonymous"
"By turning this off, opening things like those cute E-cards for your birthday or holidays, could be bad news."
This sentence has some unnecessary information. We don't need to say "cute," and it's assumed that e-cards will be delivered on holidays. Also, e-cards does not have to be capitalized.
"By turning this off, opening things like e-cards could be bad news."
Keep it concise!
This sentence has some unnecessary information. We don't need to say "cute," and it's assumed that e-cards will be delivered on holidays. Also, e-cards does not have to be capitalized.
"By turning this off, opening things like e-cards could be bad news."
Keep it concise!
Think Copy-"Catching Obesity"
"They found that 30% of the obese subjects had the Ad-36 antibodies and were heavier than the 70% who did not. 11% of the non-obese subjects also had the antibody and were heavier than the other 89% of non-obese people."
There are way too many numbers flying around in this statement-although it's good to have percentages, too many numbers can overload the reader and cause them to pass over the paragraph. To remedy this, we took out the 'extra' percentages at the end of the sentences: 70% and 89%.
There are way too many numbers flying around in this statement-although it's good to have percentages, too many numbers can overload the reader and cause them to pass over the paragraph. To remedy this, we took out the 'extra' percentages at the end of the sentences: 70% and 89%.
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